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Singleness

I know there are some single girls who read my blog and I wanted to write to you today to I hope, encourage you. I have several thoughts on singleness because I have walked that road. I know how it feels. I did not get married until I was 32 and started dating Steve when I was 31.

I really had my life all plan out. I wanted to go to OBU, find a preacher and have 4 children by the time I was 30. I really started to panic when I was 25 because I was still single. I had LOTS of blind dates and I really liked doing that. I always had high expectations. People were always trying to set me up. I have some stories about some of those dates.

I always had very high expectations for a man and people gave me a hard time about that. I never let it worry me because I KNEW what I wanted. Here are some of the things that were really important to me:
I wanted a guy who had a real and strong relationship with Jesus.
I wanted him to be from a good family.
I wanted him to have a dependable job.
I wanted him to be funny.
I wanted him to be very manly.

There were lots of other things on my list too.

In my days of being single I only had two serious relationships. I learned TONS of stuff about myself, life and people from them.

I would get really depressed when I was single about being single. I would cry about it A LOT. I would get really down around the holidays. I would wonder if I was doing something wrong. Was I living in the wrong place? The wrong church? My parents seemed to think that I had scared many men away when they saw me eat chips and salsa. I devour them! ha ha! I read every book there was on being single. The one that encouraged me the most was Lady In Waiting. BUT........................I LOVED to dream about what my husband would be like and I grew in my relationship with Christ. I depended on him in a way that I would not have if I got married early on.
I was confident of this: God knew my desire to be married. God loved me and wanted the best for me. I knew he would bring me a husband or take my desire away. I KNEW GOD was big enough to bring me Mr. Right. I didn't have to go to a certain city or be in a certain church.
I have heard it said that there is a big difference in a "good choice and a God choice." I wanted GOD'S choice for me.
When God brought Steve my prayers were answered. Steve had every quality on the list. I felt so comfortable with him and I didn't have to "talk myself" into liking him. I just liked him. We didn't have to play games or really work at the relationship. Steve just let me be me! That is VERY important. Don't change to make a guy like you!

It is better to never get married than to be a married to the wrong person. Wait on God's best for you.

I am so thankful that I was able to do lots of fun things when I was single. I lived with Kelly for
seven years and we laughed all the time. I was able to travel and go away for the weekend to visit friends. I can still do that, but now I have wife and mother responsiblities. They come first now.

I don't want to say that every person that wants to get married will, because I don't know that. But......I do know that he will give you that desire or take it away. He sees the big picture. He knows what is best for you.

Steve was worth the wait and the pain!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope you are encouraged today.

Comments

Ansley said…
Hi Laurie,
I found your blog through Kelly's blog and have really enjoyed reading it and seeing the pictures of your sweet family. I just wanted to tell you that this post was wonderful!! I, too, waited for a long time and have been very blessed with my wonderful husband, but I certainly remember those feelings that you describe. There will always be a special place in my heart for single girls, and I always pray for God's peace to be with them in their journey.
Susy said…
That was just lovely. Thanks for sharing and encouraging. You have a beautiful family, and it looks like it was worth the wait!
Betsy said…
You are so sweet, Laurie. I loved reading your story. I know you will definitely be an encouragement to single girls out there! You are so blessed with such a great husband and your two precious little girls! :)
kim_brough said…
That was encouraging! I am reading Lady in Waiting now. Thanks.

And I've "heard" both you and Kelly say OBU-- what school is that?
Charity said…
awww thanks Laurie, that really was encouraging. My co workers are always telling me that I'm too picky, but I know the kind of man I want and I refuse to settle for someone I won't be happy with.

I really appreciated the comment about not having to be in the "right place" I have often wondered if I should go to a different church or find a certain supermarket or just where in the world are those great christian guys hiding at????!!
Kelley said…
Laurie, I enjoy reading your blog. This post will help a lot of single girls. I, like you, waited for the God Choice for me. It has been the most wonderful 9 years of my life. (3 years of dating him and 6 years of being married to him.) All of the things on your list, were on my list too. I am so glad that I waited and didn't just make a good choice. I have a happy, healthy, godly family. It is so worth the wait.
e-in-tx said…
Oh Laurie...thank you so much!! I am a faithful reader of yours and Kelly's blogs. I am a 40+ single woman, waiting on God's choice for me. It can be such a struggle, to remain in God's peace yet yearning so much for a husband and family of my own. It is comforting to know that my feelings are not "strange".
Your girls are darling and I so enjoy reading about all of you.
T Sharee said…
Laurie,

I will never be able to express to you the encouragement that this post gave me. I am recently single after a 4 year relationship. While I know that God has a plan for me, it is still hard to think about being alone forever. I trust in the Lord and his plan for me. Keep posting and I will keep reading!!!
Christa said…
Laurie,

Thank you so much for this encouraging post. I really needed to read this. This past weekend I was feeling really down and depressed about being single. I feel like everyone else pretty much has someone except me. I keep on thinking when is it going to be my turn!!!

I was actually thinking Saturday maybe if I moved somewhere else or something I would find someone. I am going to go buy that book you talked about!

Thank you so much again,
Christa
kate said…
thank you so much...as I look at my fridge covered with baby announcements and few wedding...I think "my world has moved on, but I reamin here...alone...and single." I just said today it is so hard to be single in a world of married women....

but I totally agree with you better to be a sassy single than a bitter bride.

hugs from oklahoma, kate
Hopsy said…
What a GREAT post! It is so hard to get discouraged when single, however like you said you must have a firm relationship with God before you can build one with anything else! He will rewards you with the disires of your heart and they will be well worth the wait!
tickledpink said…
What a great post! I thought I had married God's choice, but now being divorced I'm not too sure. It's hard being single again. Your post was very encouraging! I think high expectations are good! You're right we must have a solid relationship with God before we can have one with man! A book that I really have enjoyed is called "When God Writes Your Love Story!" It's great for single girls!
Monica said…
Thanks for writing this post. I found this post through Kelly's blog. I am 27 and single. Many of the things that you talked about I have either said or thought. I am trying to live the life that God wants me to live and to wait until God brings the guy he has in mind into my life.
Becca said…
Hi Laurie,
I followed Kelly's link to your blog today, and I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your words. I will be 30 in less than a month, and have never even dated. I have had many male friends, but I have never found one that met enough of my list items to even consider. All of my friends say I am too picky, but I am afraid of settling. I get upset about it a lot, and I cry a lot, because I want nothing more than to be a wife and a mother. I have a Master's degree and a great career, but they are not that important to me. I pray every day that God will bring someone to me, or take the desire from me, and it seems like the desire gets stronger. With turning 30 soon, I start to get depressed, because this seems like a big milestone, and I have no one special to share it with, and I am no close to my desire than I was when I graduated from college 8 years ago.
Thank you for your words of encouragement and for being honest about your feelings. It is comforting to know that I am not the only person in this world going through these feelings, and that others have been through them before and come out on top. God Bless You.
Bekky said…
Hi Laurie,
I checked out your post through Kelly's. I just needed to share that I really needed that post today! I have been in a "funk" the last few days. Being 31 and single. Never where I thought I would be at this part in my life. Thank you so much for the encouragement! It is hard to remember sometimes that God has a purpose and we need to be with who He wants us to be with. You are right I don't want to be with that wrong person just to be with someone. I just needed to share that this post meant so much to me today. I think it is helping me break out of my "funk". Thank you!
Katelyn said…
Thank you.
Erica said…
Thank you for this post! It is nice to know that there is hope and that not changing what I want in a mate is the right thing to do. Sometimes I get very discouraged!
KK said…
Thanks for the sweet post. 37 is starting to feel mighty lonely, but I know God has not left me.
Thanks for the encouragement! Even though I am married, your general comments about God's plan and His timing encouraged me in my life right now. Thanks!
Natalie said…
That was an awesome post. I did not meet the man of my dreams until 25 and felt VERY behind! I appreciate your sweet, encouraging words-- I have definitely felt everything you described.
Erin said…
Laurie,
I needed to read this so badly. I have been dealing with the single thing for a while now. like a lot of girls thought I would meet my husband in college and be able to start a family. I just turned 26 and am starting to panic. Will I meet the one who I am supposed to be with? I needed this motivation and encouragement. This came at the perfect timing for me. Thank you for those words. I am glad Kelly's blog brought me here to day. Your family is beautiful.
Erin
Dallas, TX
enatp said…
Thank you for your words of encouragement! It always is so nice to hear those that have moved on from single to married to recall and share about their single days. I often feel like people forget what it's like once they've found Mr. Right. So thanks for being an encouragement to me today and for sharing your beautiful story! Blessings to you and your family!
Erin
Michelle said…
Hi Laurie!
Thank you so much for your post. I appreciate your thoughts and I AM encouraged today! I am single and have always wanted a family. Some say I have waited too long, but God knows what I need, not just what I want. So, as hard as it is, I keep waiting. I never thought I would be single and in my thirties. I went to a Christian University, Freed Hardeman, where it seemed that everyone there was getting their "MRS." degree. I'd never heard of that degree before college and I knew I didn't want to marry that early! So, here I am still waiting asking myself all the questions you mentioned. Today I am encouraged though, thank you.I have a wonderful life, but I know it will be better when I can share it with someone I love.
Michelle
Lauren said…
Laurie, you blessed my socks off! You met me right where I am at.I wish I could give you a big hug!! Thank you for encouraging us singles!
Unknown said…
Hi Laurie,
I just found your blog today thru Kelly's blog, she recommeded for all of us single girls to read your blog today...and i'm so glad I did!
God used you to speak right into my heart tonight and I'm so thankful, i'm one of those 32 yr old single girls waiting for Mr. Right, I truely believe God has marriage in my future, it's just hard in the wait. So thank you for your encouragment tonight!
Unknown said…
I'm so thankful that I read your blog daily! Something you said reminded me of a night when I was before God, begging Him to move in my life, or take the desire to be married away. The desire is still there, so I'm peaceful that my guy is on order...HA! I've been encouraged, and I' so thankful you took the time to pour into us single gals! You're amazing!
Maryellen said…
Hi Laurie,
I too walked the road of singleness for many years. I met my husband at 45. We married when I was 48. I remember feeling all those feelings you so beautifully expressed. I remember a day when crying out to the Lord that I truly, all though through gritted teeth, told the Lord if was up to Him if I married. I would be okay with what ever He chose for my life. I also had a specific list of the man I wanted to spend my life with. And my husband Gary met all those dreams. Single ladies, don't lose heart. God is faithful. Because finding my husband did not come easy or with out pain, I cherish my marriage so much more. I don't take it forgranted.

Blessings, Maryellen
MemeGRL said…
I love that story--I never heard the good choice/God choice before but wow, it made sense to me. I am married to the man I secretly fell in love with at age 13 and it has always been a lesson to me--because we didn't get married until I was 26--that God was behind it all the whole time and I wished I had the perspective to see that and the faith to know it in many hard times. I look back and wish I could comfort my younger self that The Plan was better than any scheme I could think of and bigger than my wildest dreams. All the best to you and your family!
Ashley said…
Thank you doesn't seem to be enough! Just what I needed to read. I am 27 and been set up more times than I can count. Just went to 2 dates this weekend from setups that happened to fall one day apart. Funny things happen when you least expect them and I know that as long as God is first all will be okay. You are very encouraging and your 2 girls are adorable. Thank you for sharing! Blessings!
Kari said…
i too so needed to hear this! i am always wondering when i am not going to get invited to the next weekend gathering because everyone will have a husband! it's definitely a hard place to be, and it does get very discouraging. So nice to read your post and the comments from everyone else in the same place.

thank you! very encouraging and true.
Elyse said…
Kelly told me to pop on over here today. Even though I am still in college, I have never really had an interest in guys yet. I do dream of being married, having kiddos, and being a SAHM, but I know that will come in due time. Sometimes I wonder if I am pretty enough or smart enough to "know" when I find the right guy...but I will be patient and follow HIS plan for me. Thank you for the encouragement.
~Elyse
Thank you so much- I really needed this post today! From your post to God's ears! I sort of feel broken-hearted lately being 31 and as single as one can be. I really does weigh heavy on my heart waiting for God's mate for me!!
Jodee said…
I enjoyed reading this post! I didn't get married until I was 30 but he was sooooo worth the long wait! I think you gave the singles some good advice!
Ashley said…
Hello there! I was checking in on Kelly's blog and when she said that you had written a post on single girls I came right over! Thank you so much for such a great and encouraging post! I have been totally into that "Woe is me the last one of my friends who is still single!". I love that you say "God knew my desire to be married. God loved me and wanted the best for me. I knew he would bring me a husband or take my desire away.". I have never thought of it that way!
Thank you so much for writing this post! It encouraged me so much!
AK said…
So, I kind of feel like I just read my own blog post hah (except for the ending...I'm still waiting for that one). I too went off to a Christian college,hoped to graduate and marry a pastor or someone in the ministry, get married, have some kiddos and move on with my life. But that's not what happened! I feel so blessed with the life I have now and wouldn't trade it for the world, but it's hard when everyone is racing to find you a mate and chiding you for having standards! I feel like if and when the Lord has someone for me then I'll know and until then I'll wait (ok well I feel like that today, other times it's not quite so pretty). Thanks for sharing that today, I'm so encouraged by your faithfulness to wait for the right one even when it was difficult!
Anonymous said…
This brought tears to my eyes. So many points you discussed hit home with me. Thank you for this post.
Unknown said…
Laurie,

Came over from Kelly's blog. Thank you for your post today! I am 31, single and the oldest of four granddaughters - who are all married! Being single is a tough road, but I am so thankful for Christian sisters in Christ who are willing to share their stories. Thank you for your post today! It was such an encouragement to me.

May God continue to bless you and your family!
bethany said…
Hi Laurie,

I also found your blog from Kelly's blog.
Thank you for your encouraging words to single girls. I am 33 and single and honestly...I am struggling with it. The desire to be married and a mom has ALWAYS been a part of me but now I am beginning to wonder if that was not really a dream because God is not bringing it to pass. I don't know what He has in store for me...I am getting a bit weary in teh wait...but your words were very encouraging.

Thank you!
Bethany in Ca.
Becca G! said…
Hello Laurie!
Thank you for posting this! I need to thank Kelly too for advertising it.. your words brought tears to my eyes.
I have always been the ONE of my friends that was confident enough to be single and not worry.. although I honestly have worried internally. I actually have Lady in Waiting- never read it-but I have it.
Your post totally helped encourage me.
Thank you so much for your kindness to all singles out there! :)
Cyndi said…
Laurie,
Through Kelly's blog I have found yours. I am in the waiting stage of my life for THE husband God has for me. I have been having a hard time with it lately and just in church yesterday the pastor was talking about being intimate with God before you could be intimate with a spouse. And now here I have found your blog to be VERY uplifting. It helps to know that I am not alone in this walk. I still have hope that one day God will answer my prayer to be a wife and a mother. Thanks again for sharing.
Thank you so much for those encouraging words. I needed to hear that right now.
Jessica K. said…
Thank you for sharing your thoughts!! I am only 22 and I as well have my life planned. I would love to have my first child before I turn 25(I actually went up a couple of years since I wanted to have kids earlier), but I am not sure that will happen and I am ok with that. It makes me sad and I get frustrated at times, but God has some plans for me that he just hasnt revealed to me yet. And I am ready to wait!!
Have a blessed week!
Sarah said…
Hi. Kelly suggested us singles read this post today, and I'm glad that I did. Thanks for your encouraging words. Good to hear. I am 36 and single. Always dreamed of being a wife and mother--had a hysterectomy when I was 27. I know God's plans are perfect, that He knows the desires of my heart and that He is in control. Thanks for reminding me of that. Blessings!
Rebecca said…
Hi Laurie.. I found your blog through Kelly's blog. I'm a single 24 yr old and really needed to read what you wrote. I've been told I'm too picky.. I see it as waiting for the best. :) Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough, but your words reminded me that God is bigger than that.. and He has me in the right place. Thank you. :)
Amy Lynn said…
Awesome post, Laurie. I came over from Kelly's blog, too. I dated around a lot, but was often single until I met "the one" when I was 27 (though we didn't get together till I was 28). I've never been so happy!
Colleen said…
I had a girlfriend send me a link to your blog b/c I am feeling the exact way you did. I'm about to be 30 in a few weeks and literally have cried b/c I too am single and had my life planned out so similar to yours. Thank you for sharing and thank you God and of course my dear friend that lead me to your blog.
MtnGirl said…
Girls, I was single until I was 40. Now I was single in all of my 20s and single in all of my 30s. I KNOW the pain. I know how depressing it can be. I have lived feeling like I was forgotten, unloved, not worthy of anything! My sister was single until she was 46 y/o! Although I mourn never being a mother, probably never being an aunt, and that our family's lives will never be like "everyone else's." For example, my Mom would be THE greatest Grandma and she will probably never be one. I don't understand it AT ALL! And this is easy for me to say, but now that I've been married for 4 1/2 years - single was not all that bad. Yes, I have a great husband who I love, but somedays I miss being able to spend my money on ME! I miss being able to watch what I want to watch on tv. Petty things like that.....so I would encourage you to enjoy being single and if you are meant to be married, your time will come! Don't stop living life because you are single.
Brittany said…
Thank you so much for sharing this. I too found your blog through Kelly's and God definitely spoke through you with this post. I have read Lady in Waiting and the sequel, A Man Worth Waiting For. All the qualities in a man, fears, and thoughts are the same thing I felt. Through the book I too learned that I am in the right place and when it is God's time we will be brought together. I know God knows my desires and it is nice to know that I am/was not the only one with these thoughts. Thanks again for sharing.
Megan said…
Hi Laurie,

I came over today from Kelly's blog. Thank you so much for this blog post. Your words were incredibly encouraging to me. You are so sweet to share some of your story with us. Words cannot express how much of a blessing it was to read this today.
Ki said…
Laurie- I too come from Kelly's blog- and I want to add an AMEN to what you said. I longed to get married and felt all the things you talk about in your blog. I tried to follow God's will, became a missionary in Budapest, worked all over the world, etc. And late at night I would ask God, "why can't I have this?" At 35, I married the most wonderful, godly man who is my best friend and love of my life. 9 months later, we had Gracie. Now we have Gracie, Sam and Sophie and my dreams have come true. God fulfilled the desires of my heart in His perfect time. Now, I never feel "trapped" or unfulfilled as a SAHM- just blessed. Single girls- don't let the world tell you it's too late. God's timing is PERFECT.
Katie said…
Laurie, thank you for your encouraging comments. I was JUST blogging about the 'emotions' of being single the other day and I love what you have to say about it. Thanks again...and I love reading your blog! :)
Nancy G said…
Hi, Laurie!
I think what resonated with me in your blog today was when you said (and I'm paraphrasing here!) that nothing is worse than being married to "Mr. Wrong" because you moved forward with YOUR choice, instead of waiting on GOD's choice for you. I did that many years ago, because I was afraid if I didn't marry right out of college, I'd never get another chance. I cringed to admit that now, but it was so true at the time. Sure enough, three years into the marriage, we found ourselves separated. He was a good man, but the wrong man for me. I put both of us through a lot of pain because of my fearfulness. Because God is who He is, He gave both of us another chance at happiness--older, wiser and FORGIVEN.

Thank you not only for an important message about waiting, but having courage in the midst of our fear.

Have a wonderful day!
Kyle's wife said…
Thank you, Laurie. I am single at 31 and still hoping and praying for a husband and children of my own. It is always nice to hear encouraging words from someone who has been there. God bless you and your beautiful family!
Tammy said…
Laurie,
Thank you so much for this post! It’s so uplifting to be reminded of the fact that God does not have an age limit on “happily-ever-after”. I too had plans for my life. Attend college, get married, have three kids. I’m nearing 32 and have a very fulfilling career and am still waiting on God. I believe the same way you do, that God will send me someone or take that desire away. Thank you for reminding me. Thank you for reminding me that God’s timing is perfect and that His plans will far exceed any we could ever plan for ourselves. Thank you for being an open vessel. God used you to encourage me!
God bless,
Tammy
Renae said…
This was an amazing blog! I'm not single however I have passed this one blog on to my friends and co-workers for them to find encourgament in.
Anonymous said…
I too read your blog through Kelly's and I love this post. I recently did a similar post. I will be married in two months and will be 33. I too waited for the right man and God's timing and it was worth the wait :)
Amanda said…
Like others, I cam over from Kelly's blog, and when I saw the title of your post, I knew I had to stick around and read it! Thank you so much for that encouraging and uplifting post; it's just what I needed today. I am also accused of being "too particular," but I know that I don't need to make myself like someone. It's nice to hear someone of the same opinion!
Thank you for the encouragement!! It is encouraging to hear your story, it provides hope. I know it will be worth the wait, though the wait can hurt at times!!! Until God answers my prayers and the longings in my heart come into reality, I will enjoy every weekend trip I can take and every time I can go somewhere and not tell anyone!! :)
Kristen said…
I love this post. I got married at 29 and according to "my" plan I should've had 3 kids by then and been married for 9 years! It was so hard to watch friend after friend get married. I am so glad I hung in there and waited for "God's choice" for me. I'm glad I stuck to "my list" (it was short, but certain things are important!) and waited till Dan came along. It was worth all the tears and heartache along the way to find him!
Bear Girl said…
Hi Laurie,

I found your blog through Kelly. You are so encouraging and have the most beautiful smile. I feel that if we lived closer to one another we would be good friends. I am 40 and single. It is hard. I have always wanted kids and to be married. Thankfully I have a friend and father in God. If you ever get up towards Chicago, let me know, I live in Indiana just 40 miles from Chicago.
Blessings to you,
Genah
thebeargirl@gmail.com
Bethany said…
Thank you so, so much for this post. I lost my job last week, the week before that I had an emotional family reunion and I've been feeling very down about myself ever since. I'm going to check out Lady in Waiting-- I'll keep waiting and praying for all the single girls like myself.
Rebekah said…
Laurie, awesome post! I want you to know that God used you in your singleness to touch my life! Had you have been married and had your 4 kids when I met you, you might not have had the time to pour into me. I love you and thank God for putting you in my life. You are such a wonderful Godly example to single and married women. Steve is a lucky man and I am so glad you waited for him!
Thank you so much for sharing this! I can use all the encouragement I can get. =)

I never had a timeline for myself, just assumed everything would "happen" and I would marry early - in time to have a dozen kids! Now I'm 27, single, live in a country of men I wouldn't marry, and have 41 children, LOL.

God's ways are certainly not ours...
Lindsey said…
I'm a single girl that regularly reades Kelly's blog. When I saw that you had posted on singleness, I immediately clicked over. Then after reading, I quickly printed your post.

Thanks for sharing your story and for offering some encouragement to all of the single ladies out there!
krislyn. said…
Hi Laurie,
Thank You! I serioulsy could not have rolled upon this post at any better moment. I read your blog often and seriously see so many similarities in yours and Kelly's friendship as with mine and my best friend Kailee.

Anyhow I am definitaly in a season of feeling lonely or wondering if God is hearing my desire's and prayers for a boyfriend/husband. I have not dated anyone since Junior year of high school (if you even call that dating!! haha)

I went to a Christian college .. Just like you thinking I would walk away with a husband .. and have at least one child by 25 .. Well I am going to be 24 in three months .. So obviously "my" plan is not on track .. But like you said it is not about "my" plan it is about Gods. And I know His is better and will be beyond my wildest dreams, but it is so hard to constantly remind myself of this ..

So with that, I just wanted to say thank you for the encouragment.. I will check out that book you mentioned.

Have a wonderful rest of your weekend!
Kim said…
Hey girl! Thanks for your encouragement! When I have tough single days I always think of you...it helps to know someone else can understand...and made it to the "other side"! I look foward to see you and the girls this week!
Thank you for your honesty and openness about this subject. I am longing to find the person that God would have me to spend my life with, but in the waiting am enjoying this season! Thank you for your encouragement!

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