I have a tradition that I have done for the past fifteen years. Every New Year's day, I go to Barnes and Noble and buy one of their 50% off weekly planner calendars. When I was teaching, the principal always gave each teacher a gift card to Barnes and Noble for Christmas. I always got my calendar with the gift card. Although I don't get a gift card to Barnes and Noble every Christmas, I still need a calendar. I went out on Sunday late afternoon to get my calendar. I always get one with islands, New York or art.
As we were walking out the door on Sunday morning for church Steve said, "Ya'll don't need coats. It's warm outside." Warm , my foot. As we drove past the bank, the time and temperature said 39 degrees. Steve never gets cold. I am always cold. He dropped us off at the door so that we would not freeze to death.
I did NOTHING Sunday afternoon. I was truly having a day of rest. I laid on the bed and did some reading. For some reason, I think laziness, I kept my church dress on. When I got up to go to Barnes and Noble, I put my dressy black coat on and drove to the store.
I went straight to the calendars. Most of the ones I was interested in were on the very bottom shelf. As I was flipping through one of the calendars, I sensed that something was NOT right with my clothes. Did I feel a draft? I'm not sure. I put the calendar down and reached around and to my horror, the back of my dress was around my waist. Yes, I was exposed! I got a sinking feeling from head to toe. All I could think was, "I am so glad I wore my coat." I am not sure what had happened. I think it was a matter of static cling, a twisted up slip, lying in the bed: a combination of it all. The coat kept me from being arrested for indecent exposure. I don't know if I went in the store that way or if it happened after I got there.
I looked around as I was trying to fix the situation. Most of the people in my area looked as if they were coming or going to a Big Foot chaser society meeting. It was a strange crew on this New Year's Day. I tried to justify my chawedness. There was no one there I was trying to impress.
I also started thinking about style these days. I have a several dresses that I wear as shirts. Dresses seem so short these days. I call them a shirt and just deal with it. I wear tights and leggings and skinny jeans, but I guess they are all the same: tight and clingy. I tried to justify my chawdness even more by thinking, "well, my 'shirt' got caught up and showed my leggings." That does not sound so bad, does it?
I recovered and stayed for a while looking at books and magazines. I got my calendar and went home and put on some jeans and a long sweater.
As we were walking out the door on Sunday morning for church Steve said, "Ya'll don't need coats. It's warm outside." Warm , my foot. As we drove past the bank, the time and temperature said 39 degrees. Steve never gets cold. I am always cold. He dropped us off at the door so that we would not freeze to death.
I did NOTHING Sunday afternoon. I was truly having a day of rest. I laid on the bed and did some reading. For some reason, I think laziness, I kept my church dress on. When I got up to go to Barnes and Noble, I put my dressy black coat on and drove to the store.
I went straight to the calendars. Most of the ones I was interested in were on the very bottom shelf. As I was flipping through one of the calendars, I sensed that something was NOT right with my clothes. Did I feel a draft? I'm not sure. I put the calendar down and reached around and to my horror, the back of my dress was around my waist. Yes, I was exposed! I got a sinking feeling from head to toe. All I could think was, "I am so glad I wore my coat." I am not sure what had happened. I think it was a matter of static cling, a twisted up slip, lying in the bed: a combination of it all. The coat kept me from being arrested for indecent exposure. I don't know if I went in the store that way or if it happened after I got there.
I looked around as I was trying to fix the situation. Most of the people in my area looked as if they were coming or going to a Big Foot chaser society meeting. It was a strange crew on this New Year's Day. I tried to justify my chawedness. There was no one there I was trying to impress.
I also started thinking about style these days. I have a several dresses that I wear as shirts. Dresses seem so short these days. I call them a shirt and just deal with it. I wear tights and leggings and skinny jeans, but I guess they are all the same: tight and clingy. I tried to justify my chawdness even more by thinking, "well, my 'shirt' got caught up and showed my leggings." That does not sound so bad, does it?
I recovered and stayed for a while looking at books and magazines. I got my calendar and went home and put on some jeans and a long sweater.
Comments
Hmm, I left the science museum in a dress with a little static cling issue...and finally a nice lady let me know after hundreds just permitted my indecent exposure. So I'm not laughing at you but laughing with you because I remember how red-in-the-face I felt that day. If I didn't have my kids to keep up with, I would have raced out the door.
It is the spice in life!
I cracked up!
To this day, I check before I leave the restroom. lololol
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year! Stay warm!
Once, in jr. high, our teacher used the bathroom between classes and when she came back in, her skirt was tucked into her pantyhose and her entire back side was fully exposed! We were all laughing so hard that none of us could even talk when she asked us what we were laughing about. I imagine she was pretty chawed, too!
I have never commented but I just had to this time! I always enjoy reading your blog. You have such a great wit & unique insight. I wanted you to know I appreciate you! I have had a really, really tough year. I have cried every single day for the past 9 months. I don't ever remember the last time I laughed until tonight. I read this post and BELLY laughed out very LOUD! So, in your chawedness and in the telling of your chawedness, you brought a very heartbroken girl some much needed and long overdue laughter! Be chawed no more......and thank you! :)