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Unexpected Work Out

For the past six years, our house has served as a bird sanctuary.  We usually have three bird's nests ON our house and one in the front yard tree.  Birds swarm around us.  I HATE BIRDS!  I have been scared of them for as long as I can remember.  They are my phobia.  Most people fear snakes or mice, I fear birds.  They are so unpredictable with their fluttering and flying.  But, I am also terrified of dead birds, so I don't know how to explain this phobia.
A few weeks ago, I noticed a house in our neighborhood that had a cd hanging from their front porch.  These are normal, sensible people so I knew this was not some tacky trending style idea.  I knew it had to serve a purpose.  THE PURPOSE:  to scare away barn swallows.  We have had barn swallows build on our porch for six years now.  I HATE IT!!!!!  We have tried fake snakes and chicken wire, the birds have laughed and built anyway. 
I am happy to report that the cd works!!!!!  NO Barn Swallows this Spring and Summer!!!!!
BUT, our neighbors nearby have not caught on to the c.d idea.  They are Barn Swallow havens.
I have been trying to walk in the mornings.  Yesterday, I set off on my walk and I was having a pleasant walk until I got a block away and I think I must have stirred up anger in a Barn Swallow.  One of them started chasing me!  It would swoop down almost hitting me and saying "Tweet TWEET!"  It would circle and then nearly swoop down on me and tweet tweet again.  The thing was after me.  I started running!!!!  and running...and running.  I kept thinking, " I can't believe this is happening to me."  I was so out of breath and had my mouth open wide.  Then I started thinking what if this bird flies in my mouth.  If it did, I would have fallen down dead.  I don't guess anybody would ever figured out my cause of death.  I was wearing a baseball cap and so I decided maybe to take it off.  It did nothing to help.  So, I decided to start swinging my arms, (I tried to do this in a manner that looked like I was exercising and stretching) but I was afraid an arm might hit the bird.  I continued running and clearing my throat really loud hoping it would deter the bird.  I figured clearing my throat would be better than screaming my head off.
Finally after about three minutes it gave up and flew away.
I ended up taking the long way home so that I would not have to go by where the madness began.  I burned a lot of calories.  This is the only way I might start running- if a bird is chasing me!
Have you ever heard of a bird actually chasing someone?

Comments

lspar002 said…
Oh Laurie! I know that it was not at all funny to you, but the way you tell this story has been laughing so hard! I hate those barn swallows! They are so mean. I'm so glad they aren't nesting in front of your house this year!
A.K.W. said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
A.K.W. said…
I love to bird watch! In the 1st house I lived in, birds would come through our chimney. I don't get scared now if a bird flies in front of me though.

Amy
Julie said…
Bless your heart! I have a friend who is also scared of birds so I shared your post with her. Ya'll should form a support group. :)
Tara G. said…
This was fantastic!! :){are you able to laugh yet?!}

My husband has been on bunny patrol. He gets so mad that they eat the grass he is trying to grow in the back. I now need a basket to hide his slingshot in as it isn't the prettiest kitchen decor!
Cindi said…
This is so hilarious! It would not be hilarious if it were happening to me - I am also afraid of birds. Thanks for sharing. :)
Tracy said…
This is the best blog post I've read today! I hope you can laugh about it now! Next time glue a CD to your hat. :)
Unknown said…
The suggestion to glue a CD to your hat is THE BEST! Thanks Tracy for a good laugh!
They can sense your fear!!! ;) Definitely carry a CD with you.
Leslie said…
We had swallows build a nest on our front porch last year. They pooped all over the porch and pecked anyone who came near the swing! We bought plastic owls to put in our eaves, and they worked for a while. The problem is that I'm as afraid of owls as you are of birds! This spring we came home and found the birds making a nest on the owls' heads. So much for that idea. My mother told us about the cds and that has worked so far. Some days I feel like it's me vs. the birds. I think you should take a water gun with you on your walks. My husband squirted some swallows with the hose and they stayed away (this was before we got the cds up).
Morgan's mom said…
Laurie, I also am terrified of birds - all birds! I grew up on a farm, in the day when most farm wives had a big flock of chickens, for the eggs, and to have chickens in the freezer for frying. I seriously thought I might die of fright a few times when the chickens would get into the in the yard that was the play yard. I am NOT joking, I would break into an instant clammy cold sweat. I feel for you on your walk - and I know birds do attack, if they think we are to near their nest, for instance.
Johanne said…
I am so sorry Laurie that this was happening to you have to admit, it did make me laugh :) sorry! I am glad it finally left you alone. It sure was not shy. Maybe it was mad at you for not letting them build a nest near your house. Bless you for not screaming, I sure would have. I don't hate birds but if one was doing that to me, I would have.
Deena said…
Steve and Jacie were at the park one morning and a falcon swooped down and pecked him on the head. I'm serious! It drew blood! So yes! Birds can attack people for no reason.
Lauri said…
I just love your blog! You are so funny! I too am terrified of birds. They can peck your eyes out! And, Im more afraid of dead birds than alive ones. The half open beak. Uggh i shudder even thinking about it. Our Target and the storee in the strip, have birds that are always swooping and pooping. It is awful. Party City is the worse. I just to make my children get into a buggy in the parking lot and get into the tornado drill position as we flew through the entrance as fast as we could. Lol
Liz said…
Oh, Laurie! This made me laugh so hard! You running with your mouth wide open and then getting scared the bird might fly into it! Too much! We had barn swallows out by our pool growing up and they would bombard us constantly. They are NOT a fan of humans.
Liz said…
Oh, Laurie! This made me laugh so hard! You running with your mouth wide open and then getting scared the bird might fly into it! Too much! We had barn swallows out by our pool growing up and they would bombard us constantly. They are NOT a fan of humans.
Liz said…
Oh, Laurie! This made me laugh so hard! You running with your mouth wide open and then getting scared the bird might fly into it! Too much! We had barn swallows out by our pool growing up and they would bombard us constantly. They are NOT a fan of humans.
Cari said…
This was hilarious, but I too am PETRIFIED of birds, owls, bats anything that flies. I have good reason though. On my FIRST day of college, a BAT flew at my head. I went running before a voice in my head (God!) told me to make sure the bat didn't land on me. I stopped running, turned my head and the bat was sitting on my shoulder staring at me. You can imagine the horror. Ever since then, I get sweaty, panicky, hyperventilated at birds flying. BUT, I swear, birds KNOW that I hate them! They fly at me all of the time; I can't tell you how many owls/birds I've hit with my car, and they know I hate them. Even my kids (4 and 2) laugh hysterically because they know I hate birds, but yet they still antagonize me!!! Glad to see I'm not alone in my fear of birds/flying things!
Kelly said…
I'm just now reading this and I'm dying laughing trying to picture you.
Unknown said…
We have had swallows in our barns for years. When the baby birds are in the nest, the parents dive bomb you and do the tweet tweet thing loudly if you go too near. This will happen to me several times a day going in and out of the barn! The swallows do eat lots of insects so they have a "job" that is helpful.

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